When I visited the Nandagram Ghaziabad Police Station seeking help, my parents agreed to a clear arrangement in the presence of the police. They agreed that they would move to a separate house, and I would live with my brother and sister-in-law. It seemed like a chance for me to have some space and independence.
But when they took me to Firozabad, my parents never left the house. Instead, they began invading my personal space in ways that made me feel deeply uncomfortable. My mother started entering my room at night without knocking, disregarding any sense of boundaries. She was sleeping right outside my room and eavesdropping on me. The next day, things escalated further. My father barged into my room again, without knocking. He turned to me and said, “You are ruining our honour.” Honour. Izzat. That one word carries so much weight in our culture, does it not? It is like a chain that binds us, especially us girls, to rules we did not make. I did not know how to respond, so I just said, “I do not want to talk.” I was not ready for this. I was not ready to be judged, to have my life dissected in front of neighbours.
But my father did not stop. He kept pushing, saying things like, “We found alcohol bottles and sex vibrators in your room.” My heart sank. How did we get here? I am 22, trying to figure out who I am, and suddenly my personal choices are being thrown in my face like they are crimes. I tried to explain, “This is not an addiction,” but he was not listening. He said he wanted to “talk openly,” like a friend, but it did not feel like that. It felt like an interrogation. Every time I said, “I do not want to talk,” he pushed harder, telling me I “had” to talk, that I was wrong for wanting space.
He kept saying I was not thinking for myself, that someone else was controlling me. “You do not have your own brain,” he said. He continued “Your mind is under someone else’s control.”, “You are zero”. I have always prided myself on being independent, on trying to carve my own path, even if it meant going against what is “expected” of me. But to hear my own father say I am just a puppet? That hurt more than I can explain. And then he admitted he has been tracking my messages, my every move online. “I have got my eye on your every cyber footprint,” he said, like it was something to be proud of. My privacy was gone.
I kept asking him to leave, to give me space, but he would not. He talked about his reputation, about how I have “exposed” him to the world. He rambled about having the backing of the magistrate, saying he is not afraid of the police and that he is untouchable. He was almost challenging me to contact any higher authority because he was confident that nobody can do anything to help me. Yesterday, I witnessed him engaging in a blatant act of bribery with a police officer inside a car. I quickly attempted to capture the incident on video, but he was too swift in his actions, making it difficult to record clear evidence. I’ve attached the video footage I managed to obtain.
At one point, I snapped. “You have destroyed my privacy,” I told him. “You have destroyed all my freedom.” He denied it, of course, saying he is not controlling me, that I can go out, take my phone, do what I want. But then he added, “You cannot disappear from my sight for even a second now.” How is that freedom? How is that not control? And then as soon as this conversation ended, he snatched away the phone from my hands and locked me up in the house. Exactly what he said he wouldn’t do.
In India, we are taught to respect our parents, to put family first, and I do. But what happens when that respect feels like a one-way street? When your voice is not heard, when your choices are judged, when your privacy is stripped away? I switched from science to arts in college because it is what I wanted, but Father thinks someone else “made” me do it. Why cannot he see that I am just trying to be me?
By the end, I was screaming, “Leave! Leave me alone!” I hate that it came to that. I hate that I had to shut the door to feel safe in my own room. Even my mother came in, talking about clothes for ironing, but it felt like another excuse to linger, to watch me. I have the video recording of this incident.
He left but tried to return, I asked him to stay outside, explaining that I was uncomfortable continuing the conversation. I tried to close my door for safety, but he kept pushing to get in. I started live-streaming on Facebook to document what was happening, hoping it would protect me. But my father forced his way into my room.
Things spiraled further. My father called his driver Rishipal to snatch my phone from me. Then, my father grabbed a hammer and smashed my MacBook to pieces. That laptop wasn’t just a piece of technology, it was a symbol of my hard work and independence.The MacBook had been given to me from my cousin. When it started slowing down, my teacher, seeing how much it meant to me, sent me parts as a Christmas gift. I spent hours learning how to repair and upgrade it myself, piecing it together with care and determination but it took my father seconds to smash it.
Later, Dr. Kanupriya, perhaps sensing the tension, asked my parents to return my phone. I’m 21 years old, after all, and she likely saw how unreasonable it was to take it away. My father handed it back but claimed he had destroyed the SIM card. Dr. Kanupriya offered me a place to stay at her clinic and later her home. I just had to leave so I agreed.
But the relief was short-lived. My parents and a relative showed up at Dr. Kanupriya’s house and said something to her that turned her against me. They took away my phone again. I don’t know what they said, but it changed the dynamic completely. Then came another deception, my parents told me, that my teacher was on google meet and that I needed to sit in their car to speak with her. The neighbor also started saying that I “shouldn’t do drama on her street”. I was pressured so I sat in it. But when I got to the car, it wasn’t my teacher. It was a lie to lure me back home.
The car was stuffed with people, my mother, my father, the neighbor, and our driver, Rishipal. I was wedged in between them. And then, to my shock, they made me talk to a psychologist on the video call. I looked at the psychologist and said, “There are so many people around, and it’s very uncomfortable for me to talk. As you are a psychologist, you must know that this is very unethical.” I couldn’t believe I had to point that out. Shouldn’t a professional know better? But instead of understanding, he and the neighbor started insisting I share basic details, like my name and where I studied. The neighbor even had the nerve to say I “shouldn’t teach the professional himself.” I was furious. I asked her to stop interrupting, but I did give the psychologist my name and where I study, just to get them to back off a little.When we reached Platina Heights Apartments, they finally got out of the car, giving me a moment to speak to the psychologist alone. I told him everything about how I felt kidnapped, about the control my father has been exerting over me, about the invasion of my privacy. I was hoping he would understand and contact the police. But he didn’t say much. He just asked me to come to his clinic, without even offering his name or any details. I felt very dismissed.
Transcript for ASHISH BEDROOM_20240210_103609 video:
Look he is also peeping inside (Old Neighbour Outside)
She is your sister (Outside Neighbour)
Kanu, I'm coming there in a minute. (Ashish to Neighbour)
Can you please close the door?
You both come quickly (Outside Neighbour)
Coming, let me close the door
You are ruining our honour
I don't want to talk
No, you will have to talk
I don't want to talk
We found alcohol bottles and sex vibrators in your room
What's this about?
Are you addicted to all this? If you are, then let me know
This is not an addiction
It's ok. One second I want to talk openly
I am talking like a friend and you are still not telling me
Am I saying something to you?
I don’t want to talk about anything
One second, will you sit down?
I don't want to
Look if you are going to talk like this,
Then you are doing the wrong thing
You want to sort out the matter, right?
You want to live your life on your own terms right?
So you will have to tell me a few things. I am not stopping you
I don't want to talk
This idea stuck in your head that you don't want to-
it's not your own thinking
That's why I am saying it one time...
I don't want to talk
I know you don't want to
You're not sleeping at all at night
All day, all night, you are busy on your phone and computer
Listen, posting these things or doing something else won't help
And my reputation and honour have already been completely ruined everywhere
Let me go
Listen. my reputation has been tarnished everywhere
Everyone found out
I know I am exposed to the world now
You've exposed me
Secondly, it doesn't matter if I don't follow you
Even then, someone else will follow you
You can ask for the help of all the police in the world to come after me
Because I have got something written from the magistrate
Firstly, you can ask for the help of all the police in the world to come after me.
I am not scared of them
And don't make me use force on you,
Because I don't want to do that
I want to get my daughter back
I don't want to lose her
I want to explain to her...
You have been controlling me
No. Just listen to me
You are
I am not controlling
You are not listening to me and not answering me
If there is a discussion between two people...
You are not letting me go
You are not letting me do anything
No who is saying that?
You can go out. You will go now
You can take your phone with you. I don't mind
Because I know what I am going to do
I know, you can even take your stuff along with your phone
You can't disappear from my sight for even a second now
So you will keep me tied up here?
No, nothing like that
I won't touch you
I won't tie you up
I won't yell at you
Your gadgets...
that boss of yours who instructs you, whatever he messages...
I know everything that you want evidence.
I also know that you want proof
I have got my eye on your every cyber footprint...
Your every message...
You delete your messages after sending them,
but I still get those messages
I am not educated, but I am a father
Listen you can post anywhere
You can use any application-facebook or anything else
So you have destroyed all my privacy?
Yes. absolutely yes and you can be tracked from any part of the world
You can be anywhere, and I can find you
I am above your technology
Remember one more thing,
If you want to leave by breaking doors or windows
Then you won't need to, the doors are wide open everywhere
There is no lock anywhere, no strictness on you
And nobody is going to say anything to you
You will have to understand your family a little bit
You are not understanding
Sometimes this happens in life,
There are times in life that people don't understand
All I want is for you to stay happy but to stay happy...
I mean, you can't eat food without asking someone else's permission
You have to ask him. You can't do anything without him
Who said that to you?
Okay I have got a challenge
Don't use your phone for ten days. End all contact
You will understand on your own whose control you are under
Your mind is under someone else's control
The other person has made you helpless to follow him,
Or he has something of you which is keeping you suppressed
Do you love him?
I don't want to answer you anything. You can leave from here
Beta remember one thing, the path you have taken...
You have destroyed my privacy
It's already finished
You bribed the police
to the police?
You bribed the police. I know that you have
Listen I don't have to bribe the police
You have destroyed all my freedom. I can't do anything
Beta you are making this video. You can make all that
You don't know yet... the man who is taking over you
You make this video comfortably, let me help you
These videos you make secretly..in the car or of the police while walking
I am aware of all these things
I know what you do. I understand everything
Nothing will happen because of all this. Talk about something intelligent
You leave from here. You said you and mummy wouldn't even live here
We won't
So leave from here
You are acting in a wrong way in front of me.
I have got some questions
You leave from here
Look whatever you want to do...I am not stopping you, right?
You lied then
No
You said you and mummy wouldn't stay here. How are you still here?
Listen I...
Leave
I...
I don't want to talk to you. You can leave
Ok, I am leaving
Leave
But I want some things back which I gave you... right now
I am not giving you anything
Why?
Why won't you give me something which I have got a right to?
Then you are not honest...towards yourself
You mean...do one thing why haven't you killed me yet?
That would probably be better
You want me to say that we are your enemies
You are my enemy if you have destroyed my whole life
We are not destroying your life. You are destroying your life
You are doing it... you are doing it.
You didn't let me do anything
You switched to the arts stream from a science background
Because of something someone said to you
No problem, we didn't stop you
Someone else helped you choose college
And you say that you decided it yourself
No, someone else told you about that. You will understand this slowly
From the first day, other people were telling you
Have you seen anything? Do you know anything?
Yes, I will show you.
I didn't know there was so much depth in all this
Beta I can only make you understand this.
I am your father and I don't want anything bad for you
You leave
Ok I will leave. I don't have any problem
Go!
But now you are doing this. *gestures chatting on phone*
You will tell these things to your boss and then the boss will tell you
You don't have your own brain to think what you can do
You will tell him yourself. Then he will tell you something, then you will do it
You don't have your own brain
LEAVE..leave here
You don't have your own brain
You lied to me
You are zero. You are zero.
He is whatever it is
I have more respect for him than you. Atleast he can control somebody
So are you saying controlling someone is a good thing.
Do you believe that?
But he is the one doing the controlling
YOU'RE CONTROLLING ME
No if I was controlling you, then you would not be telling him everything
You would have understood yourself
And make decisions yourself
You can't make decisions yourself. You ask him
You can't make decisions yourself. You ask him
You are only able to make decisions after asking him
You don't have your own decisions. You will get restless
You leave from here. Get out of here
Yes I will leave...going
Leave right now
Yes leaving right now but you get restless.
You keep in mind that the day you will learn to take your own decisions,
that day I will know that you can do something in your life
Making decisions after asking someone, that's...
You leave from here. LEAVE FROM HERE
You make my video please
Leave from here
Record me now what I am saying
You don't even know you are committing a mistake
You leave from here
I am leaving. Do you know this is a home and it has it's dignity beta
YOU LEAVE FROM HERE
LEAVE ME ALONE
LEAVE FROM HERE
Ok leaving
GO
Leaving. Why are you screaming
Leave right now
See leaving right now
*door opens and Babita walks in*
I want clothes from here for ironing (Babita)
YOU DON'T WANT ANYTHING.
GO AWAY
Take the clothes
I came here to remove them
NO, NO, DON'T REMOVE THEM. GO AWAY FROM HERE
GO AWAY FROM HERE
Police said you both wouldn't be here then how are you both here?
Go away from here
These are our clothes. We want to get them ironed
Pick it up
*Babita picks up the clothes from the bed*
Beta you are putting on this show, it doesn't matter to us
LEAVE QUICKLY
Pick up the stuff. Give it to me
*says something to Neighbour*
Do it quickly. Do it quickly and leave
Yes leaving...
Quickly send messages then. Don't use your own brain, okay
Let me know after asking him what to do.
You won't be able to decide yourself
Do it yourself then we will understand
Pick up the stuff Babita. Let her do things herself
Let me see how intelligent she is or if she can do anything without her teacher
If she does something without asking, then I will understand
Then I will accept everything she says. Come out Babita
Let there be a pointless war today between a father and a daughter
Either she will ruin her life or she will improve her life. Come out. I..
UGH LEAVE! LEAVE! LEAVE!
HOW MANY CLOTHES DO YOU WANT?
*Surbhi shuts the door*
